Face Speak Heart

Great post about the message we give our little ones. So important to LOVE first! And one of my favorite writers, Toni Morrison chimes in as well. We communicate to and with pre-verbal babies with our facial expressions, body language, intonation and energy. I can tell that Phoenix knows I love him when I give him a big smile. So I appreciate this idea that a consistent positive visual has an impact on our children.

Here's an excerpt:

One of the very best pieces of parenting advice that I ever received was from the writer Toni Morrison. It was May of 2000 and my daughter Ellen was just shy of her first birthday. Ms. Morrison was on Oprah talking about her book "The Bluest Eye." Oprah said, "Toni says a beautiful thing about the messages that we get about who we are when a child first walks into a room," and she asked Ms. Morrison to talk about it.

Ms. Morrison explained that it's interesting to watch what happens when a child walks into a room. She asked, "Does your face light up?" She explained, "When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. . . . You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What's wrong now?" Her advice was simple, but paradigm- shifting for me. She said, "Let your face speak what's in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I'm glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see?"

I literally think about that advice every day -- it's become a practice. When Ellen comes bounding down the stairs dressed for school, I don't want my first comment to be "Pull your hair back" or "Those shoes don't match your dress." I want my face to convey how happy I am to see her -- to be with her. When Charlie comes in the back door and he's sweaty and dirty from catching lizards, I want to flash a smile before I say, "Don't touch anything until you wash your hands." So often we think that we earn parenting points by being critical, put out, and exasperated. Those first looks can be prerequisites or worthiness-builders. I don't want to criticize when my kids walk in the room, I want to light up!

The full blog entry: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bren/wholehearted-parenting-manifesto_b_1923011.html

What it means to be a mother...

Really thoughtful, insightful post about what it means to be a mother of any kind.

As a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) I often think about what it means to do all of the work of raising my little bird vs being out in the world having a full-time career with someone else taking care of Phoenix. It is a daily challenge to find the balance of SAHM work (changing diapers, preparing food, folding laundry, making baby food, making adult food, entertaining little one, cleaning [ha!], managing the household) and continuing the love affair between Momma and Baby.

I hear over and over: Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love. It's true. And I think this article explains that statement perfectly.

Check it out: http://www.askmoxie.org/2012/09/free-but-not-cheap.html

DR

***Posting this entry way behind schedule. This was written over one month ago!***

Your Dad moonlights as a rapper. That is, he freestyles around the house to an audience of you, me and Violet. Inevitably his rhymes start with:

"I've never seen so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans. Draw a heart in the sand..." and then he riffs with his own spontaneous, original material. I think those first two lines are from Will Smith or Diddy circa 1995. We laugh at him because it's funny and ridiculous. Mostly he raps about mundane things like what we're eating or some silly thing you've done. Sometimes he gets a little deeper, but let's not go there.

Recently we all had the opportunity to see so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans on our first Family Vacation, known as BABY VACAY 2012. Before you were born we decided that we wanted to keep the travelling dream alive and that meant schlepping baby gear to some foreign and exotic place with our newest family member. We invited lots of family and friends with new babies and kids, but in the end a lot of people couldn't make it due to furnaces breaking, strep throat, etc. We hope everyone can make the next trip--Baby Vacay 2013!

Your abuela made it to the DR. And your TiTi C, Tio and cousins made it, too! Phee, we had such a good time :) You loved the A/C in our beautiful villa, and I think that cold air was responsible for some epic napping. Daddy promptly set up the A/C unit in the bedroom at home upon our return.

The highlights of our trip were family time, sitting watching the Olympics. Swimming in the pool was a blast! You were much more comfortable in the chlorine than the salty Caribbean. I think it was a little intense for you. When we first entered, I was carrying you on my hip and I slowly walked out into the water. After several steps, there was a huge drop down, onto some seriously jagged shells. Right after that a big wave came and knocked me down, ha! I fell, but held your sweet butt up into the air so you wouldn't go under. I think that was a bit much for you. You cried, and we took our party to the sand, where you laid with your father and watched the waves.

After a nice nap in the shade on a floating bed, we hung in the pool with Daddy and Tio. We watched CJ play in the water, and you seemed to enjoy the water just fine.

I was proud of you baby boy. You handled the planes well. You handled the heat well. You handled lots of new stimuli, a giant beach party, mommy's maitais, a variable schedule and so much more with grace. We saw a new version of your hair, as the humidity activated some major curl action. I love it.

On top of the heat, new environment and teething related side effects you cut your first two teeth the day we got home!

They are unbelievably cute, white and SHARP. As in shark teeth sharp. And serrated. You have been so calm and chill while cutting those bad boys, and I hope that the rest come in with as little fanfare. I also hope that you stop biting me, ha! We've had 3 baby shark bites now, and I have screamed every single time. You've bitten me after falling asleep on the boob. And when you weren't hungry but I was pushing you to try to eat anyway. So clearly, I will let you take the lead on when you want to eat, as those bites mean BUSINESS.

Can't wait to see whose smile you have--A Sessions smile? A Harris smile? Right now it's just big and mostly gummy and it melts my heart every time. There's a warmth and passion and innocence and intensity to it. Sometimes it's a clever, coy or mischievous grin, like when you pretend to be asleep on the boob, then pop off, spin over to your belly and unleash a naughty Callard Harris-esque smile.

Your crib arrives tomorrow, and I hope that you can keep your beautiful smile during this transition from our bed to yours. It's okay if it's rough. I know that as a parent my heart will break a million times. It breaks every time you cry, actually. But, this is the best move for us as a family. Momma needs her sleep, and she will be just a couple feet away, still staring, listening and in awe of you.