We have been talking a lot about growing into a big boy these past few weeks. As my desire to breastfeed shrinks I've tried to talk to you a lot about how I'd like to slow down the nursing. You seem to understand me completely, and disagree completely! At least in the beginning of the month, that is. The last few days you have really grown and been so strong, as I've told you that we won't nurse in the daytime, except right before/after nap. I've seen you take this information in, be devastated, check in to make sure I'm really serious. You asked and cried when I said no, many times. I found after the first week of being inconsistent and really sad that I was depriving you, that you only cried for a minute or so, even if you kept asking. So I decided to be strong, firm and consistent. You responded well, and I can tell that you completely understand that we are going from nursing on demand to limited nursing. The first few times I told you no, my heart broke. You looked devastated and rejected. I responded by telling you how much I love you, and that big boys don't need as much milk. I think you understand. So now, you're getting to the point that sometimes you don't even want milk at your designated nursing time.
It's really hard for me too, Squirrely. My heart wants to continue our nursing relationship, but my body is tired, my nipples are sore and I've got to listen to that. So I'm torn most of the time. As a mama we make many sacrifices, and nursing when we don't feel like it is a huge one! So, while I'm glad that you're responding well to this cutback on the leche, I will miss snuggling your wild, warm body, smelling and playing with your blonde fro, the sweet, connected and peaceful feeling we both bask in while nursing. I have to remind myself that the physical discomforts are often trumping the peaceful moments, which is why I'm making this decision to cut back and eventually wean completely. I'm learning a lot from this and you: how I must remember to trust my instincts; how painful it is to be the cause of your suffering; how intelligent, sensitive and brave you are.
You're really into building your blocks as high as possible, then karate chopping the tower and yelping with pride. You have gotten brave enough to go down the slide by yourself. You love clean up time, and you help me with the laundry. You will be an excellent big brother with your helpful ways and sensitive demeanor. You enjoy watching the trash/recycle trucks go by; you run to the sofa, climb up and yell, "guck! guck!" Which sounds an awful lot like another thing you love to point out on walks or driving: "gog! gog!" Dogs AND birds cannot go unnamed around you ;) Your Dad says your enthusiasm level must be motivated by a $10 per identified bird/dog reward, because you get REALLY pumped when you see one.
Food is a challenge. You prefer (veggie) chips and stuff from packaging to my home cooked offerings. I know it will change and I have to be patient. And focus on the positives like your affinity for all fruits and yogurt. Hey, I'll take it!
Your favorite book right now is Dr. Seuss's "Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?"You make a great cow "moo moo" noise.
I'm so grateful to witness you growing into yourself. You are kind, sensitive, funny, generous, clever, intuitive, crazy athletic, brilliant, mellow around your peers, ebullient at home, creative and just downright wonderful. You are my heart.
My iPhone is acting up a bit, so I don't have as many photos this month. We do have some great video from your Dad's phone of swimming lessons and your first hair cut, so check your email, kid!
