Nine

My Dear Boy,

What a thrill and pleasure you are!

At 9 months old we are having so much fun with you, laughing, squeezing, chasing you around. Your spirit is luminous. Your unbridled joy is undeniable.

I feel so grateful every day to be your mama. And so I say thank you, THANK YOU for choosing me.

The past month has been all about bringing some much needed balance back into our lives, as we began sleep learning! I put this off for so long for several reasons. First, I love cuddling and snuggling your warm little body. You like to tuck your chunky legs up into my belly, and then you knead your little toes and feet on me. I never get tired of watching your puffy, relaxed sleep "face." The second reason we were hesitant to start the sleep learning was that I didn't have the heart to let you cry. Everybody says, "you gotta let them cry it out." But I just couldn't leave you alone to cry.

So we consulted the amazing Sasha Hawkes, a sensitive and skilled attachment parenting sleep expert. She gave us a personalized sleep plan and we put it to use right away as I was reaching Zombie Mommy status. Your Dad was the main executer of sleep learning, and after a couple of nights, you showed us that you were starting to understand how to go to sleep on your own in your crib. The first night I went to get ice cream while you and Daddy did "night night bedtime." The second night your Auntie Margaret met me for a lovely ladies tea during your bedtime prep. Now, several weeks in, you go to sleep without tears, on your own! It's truly amazing to see how you went from needing to nurse to sleep to putting yourself to sleep. We are so proud of you. And so grateful to have some quality sleep. I feel like I can be a more pleasant, better mama and wife.

Your Dad and I have been married for 1 year as of Monday. It's hard to believe because it feels like eons ago that we exchanged vows--mostly because your presence has changed everything, and we have entered a "new life time warp" in which your new life has obliterated our sense of time both daily and past. We always say that it's hard to remember life before you, but we do remember and cherish our wedding weekend. It's pretty cool that (at 6.5 months in the oven )you were there to celebrate our union along with family and friends, and I can still remember your Dad and I rubbing my belly as we took photos in the Palm Springs desert. We had no idea how much joy you would bring to our lives.

So I cooked you for about 9 months, and now you've been earthbound for about 9 months. Our lives are so different, yet we wouldn't change a thing. What's really amazing is that I can barely remember what you looked like at 3 weeks, 8 weeks, 14 weeks...but I can remember exactly how I felt at each stage. I felt a simultaneous joy and peace that I had never felt before in my life. I felt an endless well of gratitude brimming my heart over. I felt overwhelmed and I remember panicking when your Titi C was going to leave--she was our last baby visitor-helper and I thought, "Wow! This is real, no more help, just me being a mama--AHHH!!!" I sometimes felt insecure when "explaining" my parenting choices to people who had no idea what attachment parenting was or who questioned our "granola/hippie" ways. But I knew in my heart that even though I had never been a mama before I was going to try to do and give my best for you.

Love to you little one,
Your Ma

Here's what's been going on:

House Guest
Grandma Deb came out to visit for a whole week! You two had such a blast--playing at the park, singing, motor-boating and more. She helped you learn how to stand unassisted. And she helped me to have some moments for myself.

Don't Bother Me I'm Eating
You FINALLY embraced the puree. I'm proud of both of us for sticking it out, because it was not easy! You prefer to feed yourself. And you prefer hard regular, non-pureed food. And you would gag on the rare occasion that I actually penetrated the jail cell doors your mouth became when you saw [dunh dunh dunh]... Baby Food.

Fall Fun
We went apple picking and hung in the pumpkin patch, and at your age, it's mostly for us to get cute pics of you in an apple orchard or pumpkin patch. You barely tolerated the altitude. But. You loved the Rome Delicious apples we got! So you've been gettin down on those bad boys at breakfast and dinner time. Good job, Phee :)

Haute Couture
You've been wearing clothes! Yes, this is exciting because you normally don a diaper. Only. You run hot, my  sugar boog, and so we try to keep you comfortable. But now that you are a crawling maching, and the weather is (sort-of) cooling off we find that some leggings or jeggings are appropriate. As much as I want to buy every cute little daily deal site's organic, stylish "discounted" offerings, I can't justify it as you fit into things for like, maybe.... a month. So how cool is that a kids re-sale store in the hood hooked your mama up with 5 or 6 pair of pants and a few shirts for $24?! So cool. This is the way to go! And I can sell it back when we are done. Just feels better on the wallet and the wastefulness.

Your People
You finally met your Uncle J. You've gotten to hang with Grammy T, the Townes of Claremont, West Hollywood and DC, both of your uncles, the lovely BabyLadies Naomi and Isla, and the usual suspects, Bandit and Theo. You surprised Auntie Lauren with a fun birthday photo shoot. And gave her some sweet, sweet kisses. You hung out with Delmy while your parents had a date afternoon. She enjoyed reading to you!

Home Improvement
I am so proud to report that we will be moving into our new house in about 4 weeks!!! Yay!! Can't wait to chase you around the family room and make lots of memories there with you and your papa.

Snaggletooth
One of your top front teeth has popped through! The second one is so close to coming through so I may not get my snaggletooth munchkin for long. We've had a couple tough nights with teething, but mostly you've been so pleasant and I think we have the amber necklaces, slung on both ankles, to credit your comfort.

Walk This Way
Dude. You took your first steps. Just a few, I'm told, as I was napping while you walked for the first time. Daddy and Grandma witnessed you go from standing solo to plopping those big feet one in front of the other! So exciting, yet scary. I mean, you progress so quickly sometimes I feel like I need to catch up with you. Since then you are happy to stand on your own, if you don't know it ;) You will hold onto a toy with both hands while you're standing, then realize that YOU ARE STANDING and plop right to the ground, surprised at your own skills. Other than that you just scale the furniture and walls, walking around the living room, banging your toys and babbling away, "ba ba ba ba" and squealing! And of course you love to motorboat.

Stranger Danger
It seemed right around then end of 8 months you were beginning to have stranger awareness. You do stare at people more, and really take them in, studying their faces. But you will still let people hold you and you're a social and sweet little guy, flashing that BIG grin once warmed up.

Besos-Bisous-Baci
You have been giving kisses! It's the cutest, sweetest thing. You gave Lauren 2 kisses for her birthday. They're an open-mouthed, no tongue affair, and your Dad says you've perfected the on-screen kiss.

Away From You
I spent my second night away from you. Mommy and Daddy got some much needed quality time, and we missed the snot out of you while we were up in Ojai celebrating our one year anniversary.

Face Speak Heart

Great post about the message we give our little ones. So important to LOVE first! And one of my favorite writers, Toni Morrison chimes in as well. We communicate to and with pre-verbal babies with our facial expressions, body language, intonation and energy. I can tell that Phoenix knows I love him when I give him a big smile. So I appreciate this idea that a consistent positive visual has an impact on our children.

Here's an excerpt:

One of the very best pieces of parenting advice that I ever received was from the writer Toni Morrison. It was May of 2000 and my daughter Ellen was just shy of her first birthday. Ms. Morrison was on Oprah talking about her book "The Bluest Eye." Oprah said, "Toni says a beautiful thing about the messages that we get about who we are when a child first walks into a room," and she asked Ms. Morrison to talk about it.

Ms. Morrison explained that it's interesting to watch what happens when a child walks into a room. She asked, "Does your face light up?" She explained, "When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. . . . You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you're caring for them. It's not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What's wrong now?" Her advice was simple, but paradigm- shifting for me. She said, "Let your face speak what's in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I'm glad to see them. It's just as small as that, you see?"

I literally think about that advice every day -- it's become a practice. When Ellen comes bounding down the stairs dressed for school, I don't want my first comment to be "Pull your hair back" or "Those shoes don't match your dress." I want my face to convey how happy I am to see her -- to be with her. When Charlie comes in the back door and he's sweaty and dirty from catching lizards, I want to flash a smile before I say, "Don't touch anything until you wash your hands." So often we think that we earn parenting points by being critical, put out, and exasperated. Those first looks can be prerequisites or worthiness-builders. I don't want to criticize when my kids walk in the room, I want to light up!

The full blog entry: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bren/wholehearted-parenting-manifesto_b_1923011.html

What it means to be a mother...

Really thoughtful, insightful post about what it means to be a mother of any kind.

As a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) I often think about what it means to do all of the work of raising my little bird vs being out in the world having a full-time career with someone else taking care of Phoenix. It is a daily challenge to find the balance of SAHM work (changing diapers, preparing food, folding laundry, making baby food, making adult food, entertaining little one, cleaning [ha!], managing the household) and continuing the love affair between Momma and Baby.

I hear over and over: Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever love. It's true. And I think this article explains that statement perfectly.

Check it out: http://www.askmoxie.org/2012/09/free-but-not-cheap.html

DR

***Posting this entry way behind schedule. This was written over one month ago!***

Your Dad moonlights as a rapper. That is, he freestyles around the house to an audience of you, me and Violet. Inevitably his rhymes start with:

"I've never seen so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans. Draw a heart in the sand..." and then he riffs with his own spontaneous, original material. I think those first two lines are from Will Smith or Diddy circa 1995. We laugh at him because it's funny and ridiculous. Mostly he raps about mundane things like what we're eating or some silly thing you've done. Sometimes he gets a little deeper, but let's not go there.

Recently we all had the opportunity to see so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans on our first Family Vacation, known as BABY VACAY 2012. Before you were born we decided that we wanted to keep the travelling dream alive and that meant schlepping baby gear to some foreign and exotic place with our newest family member. We invited lots of family and friends with new babies and kids, but in the end a lot of people couldn't make it due to furnaces breaking, strep throat, etc. We hope everyone can make the next trip--Baby Vacay 2013!

Your abuela made it to the DR. And your TiTi C, Tio and cousins made it, too! Phee, we had such a good time :) You loved the A/C in our beautiful villa, and I think that cold air was responsible for some epic napping. Daddy promptly set up the A/C unit in the bedroom at home upon our return.

The highlights of our trip were family time, sitting watching the Olympics. Swimming in the pool was a blast! You were much more comfortable in the chlorine than the salty Caribbean. I think it was a little intense for you. When we first entered, I was carrying you on my hip and I slowly walked out into the water. After several steps, there was a huge drop down, onto some seriously jagged shells. Right after that a big wave came and knocked me down, ha! I fell, but held your sweet butt up into the air so you wouldn't go under. I think that was a bit much for you. You cried, and we took our party to the sand, where you laid with your father and watched the waves.

After a nice nap in the shade on a floating bed, we hung in the pool with Daddy and Tio. We watched CJ play in the water, and you seemed to enjoy the water just fine.

I was proud of you baby boy. You handled the planes well. You handled the heat well. You handled lots of new stimuli, a giant beach party, mommy's maitais, a variable schedule and so much more with grace. We saw a new version of your hair, as the humidity activated some major curl action. I love it.

On top of the heat, new environment and teething related side effects you cut your first two teeth the day we got home!

They are unbelievably cute, white and SHARP. As in shark teeth sharp. And serrated. You have been so calm and chill while cutting those bad boys, and I hope that the rest come in with as little fanfare. I also hope that you stop biting me, ha! We've had 3 baby shark bites now, and I have screamed every single time. You've bitten me after falling asleep on the boob. And when you weren't hungry but I was pushing you to try to eat anyway. So clearly, I will let you take the lead on when you want to eat, as those bites mean BUSINESS.

Can't wait to see whose smile you have--A Sessions smile? A Harris smile? Right now it's just big and mostly gummy and it melts my heart every time. There's a warmth and passion and innocence and intensity to it. Sometimes it's a clever, coy or mischievous grin, like when you pretend to be asleep on the boob, then pop off, spin over to your belly and unleash a naughty Callard Harris-esque smile.

Your crib arrives tomorrow, and I hope that you can keep your beautiful smile during this transition from our bed to yours. It's okay if it's rough. I know that as a parent my heart will break a million times. It breaks every time you cry, actually. But, this is the best move for us as a family. Momma needs her sleep, and she will be just a couple feet away, still staring, listening and in awe of you.