Growing (Up)

Phoenix is an exceptionally mellow baby. A sweet boy who rarely cries. He'll grunt or whine or fuss if he needs something, usually it's attention he wants. Pick him up and he smiles and calms. But the meltdowns and scream fests are pretty rare.

So when he had a Red Level Meltdown the other day and then another the next day, we started to look @ milestones being the cause versus the more immediate "I'm hungry/I'm hot/Change my diaper" fare.

Is he having a growth spurt?! 'Yes' always seems to be the answer to that question. Is my baby boy teething @ 3 + months?! According to our ped it's always possible, as babies can be born with teeth. As helpful as that fun fact is, as a parent you just want a definitive answer so you can spring into action and help your little one feel better. Not knowing what's irking your baby is a huge lesson in surrender and patience.

But the hardest part for me is realizing that my need to swoop in and soothe and protect him will probably outlive his need to receive my mothering. The milestones represent him growing, developing and learning independence. Time passing. And while I want nothing more than for him to thrive and blossom, my heart breaks at the thought that my sweetheart will outgrow his need to be snuggled in his mother's arms.

Is it weird that sometimes I wanna breastfeed him forever??? Not forever with him being a grown up obviously, but forever where time pauses and he's always a baby :) Even when my little guy is punching me in the boob while nursing, we still have a mother and child bond. It's kinda sad that someday he's not gonna need me anymore in that way. I guess he'll need me for other things, so that connection will change. But it's so nice to have their warm cuddly bodies on you all melty and relaxed and milk-drunk and peaceful and protected. So sweet and simple.

This weekend I'm doing a photoshoot for a book featuring nursing mothers. We will receive a copy of our portrait. Although my birdie Phoenix will grow and soar out of the nest, I'll have this portrait to remind me of our special time together in the nest... Mama bird protecting, growing and nourishing baby bird.